On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
we're making bets on your personal life
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
