I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
