Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
