your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
