All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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