so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
