you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Come see our sink grown plant.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
