my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
