Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
