; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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