I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We had to coat check the pizza.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
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