so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
