I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
