Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
