I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
