period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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