"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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