I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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