so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
