He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
