Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
