ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
