On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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