people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
