capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
