he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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