I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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