i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
