hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
