I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
How many fucks given?
0.12846
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
