Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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