I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
