we have pet lesbian snakes
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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