Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
