My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
