My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
