so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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