It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
There's even glitter on my cock...
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