I got chris browned last night
Buhtt sex?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
