forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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