I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
