Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
