just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
