you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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