i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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