The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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