South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
