I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
