Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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