I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
