I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Randomize
