lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
