Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
