its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
