someone threw a dead crab at me
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
