We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
