im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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